To the Women Who Yearn to be Mothers
This weekend we celebrate Mother’s Day and honour all the mothers in our life. I’ll be celebrating my mother, the most incredible woman I know. I won’t reveal too much about her on my blog, but I’ll say this: she raised three kids, ran a household, cooked, cleaned, worked full-time, earned not only one, but three University degrees (one of them being a master’s she earned while raising 2 children and pregnant with the third). Reading all this, I think the word “incredible” is actually selling her short.
I’m so excited to celebrate my mom. I can’t wait to shower her with love and honour the remarkable person she is. I’m also very happy to celebrate all the amazing mothers around the world. As far as I’m concerned, you all have super powers! You do incredible things every day. You are masters at multi-tasking and unconditional-love-giving. You put your family first and make sure everyone is cared for. You run homes with grace and dignity. Many of you work full-time and know all too well how exhausting it can be to work two full-time shifts, every single day, as both a professional and a full-time mom. Your role as a mother never pauses, is never over, and possibly goes unappreciated more often than appreciated. You’re all rock-stars and I hope you know that!
Despite my excitement for Mother’s Day, a part of me is a little bit sad for all the women around the world who yearn to be mothers and aren’t quite there yet.
Unfortunately, I’m part of this club.
Last year, I wrote, A Letter to the Childless Woman. The words I wrote in that letter still ring true in my heart today. I tried to capture the reality that many women face: life doesn’t always lead to motherhood, even if you desperately wish it would. Some of us divorced young without children. Other women prioritized career over family. While there are many wonderful, loving women, who would make incredible mothers who are currently facing the challenge of fertility issues or the heartbreak of infertility. I ended my letter with hope, stating:
“Whoever you may be, keep moving forward on this journey with courage, self-love, pride, and hope. You are exactly where you need to be and your path will become clear. Even if the absence of a child brings you grief, know that it’s possible that you don’t yet understand why motherhood hasn’t happened yet. Keep moving toward your future with faith that there is beauty and joy ahead of you.
Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.”
I love that I ended hopeful and still believe the words in my letter. I have to. It’s what helps me keep going on my path: 100% hopeful that motherhood is in my future.
The words in my letter fill both my spirit and my heart with light. If being a mom is what you desperately yearn for and you aren’t there yet, I hope that you hold these words of hope deep inside your mind when you feel lost. I hope they are a light for you when things are dark.
Even though I still feel the same hope I felt a year ago, a lot has changed since I wrote that letter and I’ve learned some valuable life-lessons along the way. When I wrote that letter I was in a completely different place. I was in a much darker place than I am today. Even though I wrote hopeful words back then, I’m not sure I believed them. Sometimes I’ll write words I hope or want to happen. It helps me to keep moving forward. That’s what I was doing with my letter. I was laying out the hard reality that many women face while also ending on a hopeful note, because hope has been the one guiding light on my journey that has never failed me.
Since I wrote my letter, I’ve moved homes, made new friendships, found a new direction for my life, traveled, fallen in love and gained some new perspective. I believe I’m actually on the path to motherhood now more than ever, but it still hasn’t happened (even though I desperately wish it would). At 33, I know I still have time, but the gap just feels smaller and smaller every day. I also have lots of fears that I will face the hard road of fertility problems.
When I’m in the darkest corners of my mind, I fear that “fertility problems” will actually be infertility. Wouldn’t that be the most interesting joke from the universe: infertility after my 20’s where all I worried about was getting pregnant (or the biggest dose of universal karma for ending my marriage).
I yearn to be a mother. I’ve also found the most incredible man to raise a family with and I know that he will be an amazing husband, incredible father and the most wonderful partner to create a family with and build a life together. All of this makes it that much easier for my mind to go to the dark places where I think words like “impossible” and “infertile.”
A year ago, these dark thoughts brought tears. They still do, from time-to-time, but like I said, I’ve grown and gained new perspective. The goal now is happiness and joy, children or no children. I can only control so much, and motherhood is one of those things that is somewhat out of my hands. I can’t let something I can’t control take hold of my wellbeing and emotions. I’m committed to creating an extraordinary life for myself, no matter what happens.
I’ve also gained a new perspective on what I will do to try to have children. Last year, all I wanted was children through the completely “natural” route. Now, I’m extremely open to any measure necessary to create a family. I’m on board with the IVF route and will be exploring that option if necessary. If this fails and motherhood isn’t in the cards for me, I’m open to surrogacy, adoption and any other method out there to have children.
If these routes also fail, I’ve also made peace with the fact that life will be extremely fulfilling and filled with joy, love and light, even if I end up childless. I trust in God’s plan. I trust in my path. I trust in the universe to carve out the journey I’m meant to walk.
My wish for you is that you can also have this trust for your life.
Sending you only peace and light. Always.